As I’ve been doing both homework for my memoir and with my therapist I’ve been uncovering more and more stories from my past. This has encouraged me to dig up and re-release music I wrote quite some time ago. I wrote and recorded this song, “Home” back in 2007. While it's titled "Home" I seldom had a place to call home as a kid. In many ways my home was the open road since we were always on the move.
Looking back this song was the first time that I felt brave enough to publicly share my story.
I can’t count how many friends or ministers I shared my personal stories with over the years and how with each re-telling I felt a bit like they owned a piece of me. I used to have this feeling that I was entrusting others with my past in hope that I was building a closer connection with them. I think we can all feel this way sometimes - like once someone has heard our story like they fully get you. But that’s just not true. What we choose to share with others is important but it doesn’t mean the hearer is invested in us. By sharing our stories we give ourselves a voice, we give ourselves agency, we give ourselves value! This has been one of the most vulnerable and hardest lessons for me to learn. You might find it odd that I’m now sharing so many personal stories so publicly. You see this is part of my taking ownership of my story and removing my decades old hang up. I’m choosing to make my life an open book. Yes, it’s great if my stories connect with you. However, my greatest motivator is really to heal myself first. I need these truths sixteen inches deep into my soul. And if the added benefit something I share finds a bit of home in you as well that’s just wonderful!
If you've read some of my earlier posts you'll be more familiar with some of the details of my life events. This song is completely autobiographical - from living in a red suburban to my mother and father getting divorced when I was six years old, to me pouring into my faith. It's a semi-optimistic track about looking for love even when life feels unloving. I had found love, and a sense of purpose from my faith in Jesus, but I also felt so empty without physical companionships. The same year I wrote this song would be the year I’d see Katie show up at a concert I was performing in Newberg Oregon. We’d fall in love and less than three and a half months later we’d be married. Katie is the first person that has made me feel at home. The first person to help me heal from years of heartbreak.
Thank you so much for reading and listening!