For the past few weeks I've been embarking on an incredibly scary journey. I've been outwardly expressing my past and present fears and pain. Apart of this scary therapeutic work has involved sharing these very personal experiences here on my blog and with my amazing therapist.
I can't fully give words to the life giving experience it has been to finally get this stuff off my chest. And for the most part I've received an overwhelming amount of encouragement. Truth be told I really didn't set out to write these stories to garner any attention. I'm just writing to heal myself. I hope these stories make you feel less alone and give you the added strength to seek out your own healing works.
As I've been working through these events from my past my therapist has helped me give names to the specific villains in my life. We all have villains, some constant some intermittent. While having villains or negative forces in your life is unavoidable their power over you can be tempered by a wonder tool. By naming your monsters.
For me there was a very wicked and cruel person from my past. He was violent to me, mistreated and tortured me. He abused me for years and for many years longer after he was out of my life I've tried to supress the pain. From diving into my faith to escaping into music or losing myself in art these things while I love them deeply they failed to help me look my monsters straight in the face.
My therapist helped me dubbed this person as my Step Monster. Since any other title really didn't feel deserved. At first I responded to my therapist that I had more than one "Step Monster" but this man was pure evil. While my other "Step Monster" she was more a wicked Queen than a full blown violent creature. Which I do anticipate sharing stories about her here as well. However hearing my therapist give a name to my monster felt so cathartic! I was free to release myself of the pain of the pure chaos of my experiences. Because that's what people do. We try and make sense of why something happened or why someone would act a certain way. Yet Monsters they don't need reasons, they're just monsters! The world on fire makes them happy.
So while I continue to share these intensely personal experiences I encourage you to give a name to your monsters. Perhaps this can give you an emotionally healthy distance from the cruelty you've been dealt while you allow yourself some proper healing.
thank you so much for reading 📖