How I Accidentally Taught Over 50,000 People to Be Animators and Ruined My Own Job Market
So here’s a fun little self-inflicted catastrophe: I unknowingly taught over 50,000 people (and counting) how to be animators. At first, that sounds great, right? “Look at me, empowering the next generation, fostering creativity, giving people skills they can use!”
Yeah, well, guess what? I accidentally created an entire army of animators. And the industry cannot support that many people.
And now? I have successfully trained my own replacement. Multiple times over.
Let’s break down how this horrifically non-scalable mistake happened, why the animation industry isn’t ready for this influx of talent, and how I’m basically getting shoved out of my own job by the competition I created.
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1. How I Accidentally Created an Army of Animators
I never set out to become a mass animation educator. I wasn’t like, “You know what the world needs? 50,000 more animators!”
It just… happened.
• Maybe it was some tutorials I shared.
• Maybe it was a breakdown of my own animation process.
• Maybe it was just making animation look fun and accessible.
• Maybe I was just too good at explaining things.
Either way, I somehow lit the spark in thousands of people who went from, “Wow, animation is cool!” to “I’m gonna be an animator!” And once that domino started falling, it never stopped.
Verdict: Unintentional but completely my fault.
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2. The Animation Industry Cannot Absorb 50,000 New People
You know what happens when you flood a job market with way more workers than there are jobs?
• Wages plummet.
• Competition skyrockets.
• Studios get pickier and cheaper.
For years, animation was a specialized craft. You had to train, practice, and get through insane studio gatekeeping just to land a job. Now? People are self-taught, software is getting easier, and AI is creeping in like a home invader.
We are rapidly approaching a crisis where there are WAY more animators than there are jobs.
Verdict: I have unintentionally helped flood an industry that was already struggling to pay its artists. Whoops.
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3. I’m Literally Training My Own Replacement
You know what the real punch in the gut is? I am being replaced by the people I taught.
• Studios don’t need me when they can hire one of my “students” for cheaper.
• Freelancers I inspired are now underbidding me.
• Companies are throwing projects at fresh animators who will work for experience instead of money.
It’s like building a house and then realizing you accidentally left the doors unlocked for every single competitor you trained.
Verdict: The student has become the master, and the master is now broke.
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4. The Brutal Reality of “Making It” in Animation Now
Let me be painfully honest:
• There are more animators than there are jobs.
• Studios don’t need to pay well when there’s an endless supply of desperate talent.
• AI is getting shoved into the pipeline whether we like it or not.
• Freelance rates are collapsing because of oversaturation.
This industry was already cutthroat. Now? It’s a full-blown gladiator pit. And I helped create the competition.
Verdict: I have done more damage to myself than any studio layoff ever could.
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5. Can This Be Fixed? Or Am I Just Screwed?
At this point, there’s no undoing this. But if I had to find a way forward, here’s what I’d do:
1. Stop training more competition. (Oops, too late.)
2. Shift focus to higher-level skills that can’t be easily replicated.
3. Adapt or die—because this industry is moving too fast.
I might be getting pushed out of the job market I helped create, but I’ll be damned if I go down without a fight.
Verdict: Time to evolve. Again.
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Final Thoughts: I Have No One to Blame But Myself
The worst part? I can’t even be mad. I love that people have learned from me. I love that people are animating because of something I said, did, or made accessible.
But… I also love paying my bills.
So now, I get to live with the reality that I accidentally made animation more competitive than ever—and I am one of the people suffering from it.
Now, fight me in the comments. Have you noticed this explosion of animators? How is the industry handling it? And if you love hot takes on animation, unhinged industry rants, and existential crises, check out my YouTube channel before I’m fully replaced by my own army.
When CGI and 2D Animation Mix Like Oil and Water (But Hollywood Forces It Anyway)
When CGI and 2D Animation Mix Like Oil and Water (But Hollywood Forces It Anyway)
There’s bad animation, and then there’s whatever this is.
For decades, studios have been obsessed with shoving CGI and 2D together, even though it almost never works. Sometimes, it’s an artistic experiment. Other times, it’s a budget-saving shortcut disguised as a creative choice. And sometimes? It’s an unholy crime against animation.
So today, we’re roasting the worst, most painful, most Frankenstein-like attempts at mixing CGI and 2D animation.
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10. The Road Runner Segments in The Looney Tunes Show (2011-2014) – AKA “Why Does the Road Runner Look Like a Video Game NPC?”
The Crime:
• The main show is fully 2D, but for some reason, the Road Runner shorts are full CGI.
• The Looney Tunes have always been about hand-drawn slapstick. So naturally, they thought, “You know what these classic cartoon characters need? Plastic textures and motion blur.”
• It’s like watching a PlayStation 2 cutscene spliced into a normal episode.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• CGI Wile E. Coyote moves too smoothly, killing the classic slapstick feel.
• The backgrounds are pre-rendered CGI nightmares.
• It feels like watching two different cartoons stitched together.
Verdict: The Road Runner is fast, but he should’ve run FAR away from CGI.
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9. The Lion Guard (2016-2019) – AKA “2D Lions Lost in a CGI Wasteland”
The Crime:
• The Lion King is one of the greatest 2D animated films ever. So naturally, Disney made a spin-off series where the characters are 2D, but the backgrounds are ugly, blocky CGI.
• The lighting never matches. The characters look pasted onto a different dimension.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The backgrounds feel like something from a cheap mobile game.
• The CGI environments lack depth and texture.
• The characters look like they’re floating instead of standing on solid ground.
Verdict: The Circle of Life just got broken.
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8. Rugrats: All Grown Up! Opening Credits – AKA “Stretch Armstrong Babies”
The Crime:
• Rugrats was always 2D. Then All Grown Up! decided, “Hey, let’s add 3D elements for no reason.”
• The opening credits use CGI camera movements that stretch and warp the 2D characters in horrifying ways.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The characters’ heads distort like they’re in a funhouse mirror.
• CGI effects are used purely for the sake of it, with no logic.
• It looks like a bad After Effects tutorial from 2003.
Verdict: Nobody asked for CGI Rugrats. Nobody.
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7. Beauty and the Beast Ballroom Scene (1991) – AKA “PlayStation 1 Backgrounds in a Disney Movie”
The Crime:
• The first-ever use of CGI in a Disney feature film… and it shows.
• The ballroom was rendered in 3D, but Belle and the Beast are 2D.
• The camera movements feel way too floaty, like they’re dancing in a dream sequence.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• Groundbreaking in 1991. Unsettling now.
• The CGI background doesn’t blend with the hand-drawn animation.
• It’s like watching two different art styles fight for dominance.
Verdict: It was impressive in its time, but now it just looks cursed.
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6. SpongeBob SquarePants (2010s-Present) – AKA “Bouncy CGI Creepiness”
The Crime:
• SpongeBob was always 2D. But as the years went on, CGI effects started creeping in.
• Characters became extra bouncy, gelatinous, and oddly shiny.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• Some episodes have CGI elements that look weirdly out of place.
• The ultra-smooth movement removes the charm of classic SpongeBob.
• Backgrounds sometimes switch to hyper-detailed CGI, making SpongeBob himself look like he’s lost in a different world.
Verdict: Just because you can add CGI doesn’t mean you should.
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5. Tarzan (1999) – AKA “Tree Surfing on a Green Screen”
The Crime:
• Tarzan’s “Deep Canvas” technique was revolutionary… but also weird as hell.
• The trees are 3D, but Tarzan is still 2D, making him look like he’s sliding instead of running.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The CGI trees look too smooth and fake.
• Tarzan’s movement doesn’t blend with the environment.
• The physics make no sense—he’s surfing on branches like he’s on a Tony Hawk level.
Verdict: Cool idea, but it aged like milk.
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4. Clifford’s Really Big Movie (2004) – AKA “Weird CGI Shadows That Nobody Wanted”
The Crime:
• They took Clifford, a perfectly fine 2D cartoon, and added creepy CGI shading to everything.
• The result? Greasy, plastic-looking characters.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The CGI shading makes the characters look like melted crayons.
• The backgrounds are weirdly 3D while the characters remain flat.
• It looks like a bad Flash animation mixed with a PlayStation 2 game.
Verdict: Some things should stay simple.
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3. The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015) – AKA “Why Is SpongeBob a Wax Figure?”
The Crime:
• The first half of the movie is classic 2D. Then, suddenly, SpongeBob becomes a horrifying 3D CGI character.
• The 3D models have too much texture, making them look rubbery and dead inside.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• CGI SpongeBob is nightmare fuel.
• His movements are too smooth, making him feel like a puppet.
• It loses all the charm of traditional SpongeBob.
Verdict: Just keep him in 2D, for the love of all that is holy.
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2. The Smurfs (2011) – AKA “Why Did This Movie Happen?”
The Crime:
• The Smurfs are CGI. The humans are real. Everything is pain.
• Every Smurf looks like a blue balloon animal.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• The CGI Smurfs have a weird, glossy texture.
• Their movement is too smooth, making them feel disconnected from the world.
• It’s just an excuse to put CGI Smurfs in live-action New York.
Verdict: A Smurfing mistake.
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1. Tom & Jerry: The Movie (2021) – AKA “CGI Purgatory”
The Crime:
• Tom and Jerry are CGI, but everything else is real.
• They tried to make them look 2D, but it just doesn’t work.
Why It’s a Disaster:
• CGI Tom and Jerry look like unfinished test footage.
• Their physics don’t match the real world.
• The charm of the originals is completely lost.
Verdict: Just watch classic Tom & Jerry. This never happened.
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Final Thoughts: STOP DOING THIS.
Whenever 2D and CGI animation mix, it’s usually a crime against animation. Some styles just aren’t meant to blend.
Now, argue with me in the comments. What’s the worst example of 2D and CGI mixing? And if you love unhinged animation takes, check out my YouTube channel before another studio forces CGI into something that never needed it.
Why Caricatures Matter, Why Animation Shortcuts Are Smart, and Why You’re Wrong About Both
Why Caricatures Matter, Why Animation Shortcuts Are Smart, and Why You’re Wrong About Both
People love to scream about “offensive caricatures” and “lazy animation” like they’re experts in anything other than rage-posting on Twitter.
So today, I’m going to do the impossible: Defend caricatures. Defend animation shortcuts. And explain why most of the people whining about them have no idea what they’re talking about.
Strap in. This is going to get messy.
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1. Caricatures Are Not Racism, They’re Just ART (But Sometimes They Are Racism, Let’s Be Honest)
The word “caricature” gets thrown around like a slur these days, usually by people who have never drawn anything more complex than a stick figure. But here’s the thing:
• Caricatures are exaggerations. That’s the point. They distill a character down to their most recognizable features so that, even in silhouette, you know exactly who they are.
• Every great cartoon uses caricature. Mickey Mouse? Literal circles. Bugs Bunny? A walking, talking wisecrack. Homer Simpson? A blob of dad energy with a beer gut.
• Even “realistic” movies use it. Look at Spider-Verse. Look at The Incredibles. The designs are pushed to make them more expressive, more alive, more appealing.
Now, let’s address the big, messy, uncomfortable truth: Yes, caricatures have been used for racism. We’ve seen horrific, dehumanizing depictions of people that were meant to mock rather than represent. And yeah, those suck.
BUT.
Not every caricature is racist, and not every stereotype is automatically offensive. If you don’t believe me, explain why:
• Scottish characters always sound like they gargle gravel.
• French characters always have mustaches and say “hon hon hon.”
• Southern characters all sound like they just walked out of a Cracker Barrel.
And yet, nobody riots over those.
Verdict: If a caricature is done with care, intent, and respect, it’s just a shortcut for storytelling. If it’s done with malice, ignorance, or pure laziness, then yeah, that’s a problem. If you can’t tell the difference, that’s a you problem.
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2. Animation Shortcuts Are Not “Lazy,” They’re What Make Animation Possible
You ever hear some genius say “They just reused the same background, that’s so lazy!” Yeah? Okay, go animate a single frame of a character blinking and get back to me in six months.
Animation shortcuts exist because animating is HARD. Every single frame has to be designed, drawn, colored, and timed perfectly. The more complex a scene, the longer it takes, and the more money it costs.
So when people say stuff like:
• “They used the same walk cycle again!” – Yes. Because no one wants to die animating unique steps for 10,000 frames.
• “That’s just a static background!” – Yeah. And do you want a full background in every shot, or do you want your cartoon in 2025?
• “They looped the animation!” – BECAUSE IT WORKS. If the movement is good, who cares if they reuse it?
You think Looney Tunes had smooth animation because Warner Bros. loved their animators? No. They had INSANE amounts of reused animation. You just didn’t notice because they were smart about it.
And then there’s “cheap animation.” Yeah, sometimes it sucks (cough Flash-animated cartoons from the early 2000s cough), but sometimes it’s a stylistic choice. South Park is intentionally ugly and stiff because it’s part of the joke. FLCL looks like an animator’s fever dream because it is.
Verdict: Shortcuts aren’t laziness, they’re survival. If you want every single movement to be unique, then go work on a 12-year passion project that no one will ever watch because it took too long to finish.
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3. The Difference Between “Shortcuts” and “Cuts That Are Short” (Which Most People Don’t Understand)
Okay, listen carefully. There’s a BIG difference between a shortcut and a cut that’s just short. And if you don’t get this, you’re probably one of those people who thinks all CGI is “lazy.”
Shortcuts = Smart Efficiency
A shortcut is when animators reuse animation, simplify character designs, or make creative choices that save time and money WITHOUT killing the art. It’s necessary and good. Examples:
• Disney’s Robin Hood reusing animation from The Jungle Book.
• Anime characters standing still with their hair blowing dramatically while the voice acting does the work.
• Tom & Jerry running past the same couch five times in a chase sequence.
None of these ruin the final product. They just make production possible.
Cuts That Are Short = Lazy, Sloppy, and Unforgivable
A cut that’s just short is when a studio slashes the animation budget to the bone, rushes production, or just stops trying. Examples:
• CGI that looks like it was rendered on a calculator.
• Lip sync so bad it looks like a dubbed kung-fu movie from the 70s.
• Characters talking in still frames for 30 seconds because they didn’t have the budget to animate mouth movement.
One is smart filmmaking. The other is what happens when you don’t pay your animators enough.
Verdict: If you’re too dumb to tell the difference between a shortcut and actual low effort, congratulations—you’re part of the problem.
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4. If You Think Animation is “Lazy,” Try Doing It Yourself
This is the ultimate test. If you think animators are cutting corners unfairly, then go make a short film. Draw every frame by hand. Time it perfectly. Make sure every single scene has unique motion, unique backgrounds, no reused assets.
Then get back to me in ten years when you finally finish.
Or, you could just accept that shortcuts are part of the art form, that caricatures aren’t always offensive, and that maybe, just maybe, people who work in animation know what they’re doing better than some random guy yelling on Reddit.
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5. CGI Isn’t Ruining Animation, Your Nostalgia Glasses Are
People love to hate on CGI in animation like it personally robbed their house.
• “It all looks the same!” – Yeah, because studios have to make money. Unique styles cost more.
• “Hand-drawn was better!” – Then go watch The Princess and the Frog for the 100th time.
• “Pixar peaked with Toy Story!” – Pixar peaked when you were 12, because that’s when your nostalgia kicked in.
Verdict: Bad CGI exists, but blaming CGI itself is like blaming a pencil for bad handwriting.
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6. “Lazy Animation” Isn’t the Problem—Lazy WRITING Is
A show can look like Michelangelo personally animated it but still be terrible if the writing sucks.
• Velma – Gorgeous animation. Horrendous writing.
• Foodfight! – So bad it’s legendary.
• Big Mouth – It’s ugly, sure. But the real horror is the dialogue.
Verdict: You can forgive bad animation if the story is good. You cannot forgive bad writing, EVER.
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7. Anime Uses More Shortcuts Than Western Cartoons (But Gets Away With It)
Western animation gets called lazy for reusing assets, but anime fans will defend the same techniques like their life depends on it.
• Dragon Ball Z – “That wasn’t a 5-minute scream, it was tension-building.”
• Naruto – “That wasn’t just a still image zoomed in and out, it was cinematic.”
• Attack on Titan – “That wasn’t a reused action scene, it was a budgetary necessity.”
Verdict: Anime gets a pass for cutting corners because people are blinded by hype.
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8. Character Design Can’t Please Everyone, So Stop Complaining
People love to complain about:
• “Too realistic.” (Why does Beowulf look like a wax museum?)
• “Too stylized.” (Why does CalArts exist?)
• “Too anime-looking.” (Why does every anime protagonist have the same haircut?)
No matter what the design choice is, someone will hate it. The solution? Don’t watch it.
Verdict: Not everything is made for you. Deal with it.
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9. Animation is Supposed to Be Weird, Get Over It
People love to nitpick animation for being too unrealistic. But if animation followed real-world physics, it would suck.
• Looney Tunes wouldn’t exist.
• The Incredibles would just be regular people in spandex.
• SpongeBob would have drowned in Episode 1.
Verdict: Stop applying reality to cartoons. That’s literally the whole point of animation.
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10. Stop Saying “They Don’t Make Cartoons Like They Used To” Because Yes, They Do
Every generation thinks animation peaked during their childhood.
• 90s Kids: “Cartoons were better in the 90s!” (Meanwhile, half of them were toy commercials.)
• 2000s Kids: “Cartoons had the best writing back then!” (Buddy, half of those shows had 5 FPS animation and a budget of $12.)
• 2010s Kids: “You just don’t get modern cartoons!” (I do, and some of them are terrible.)
Here’s the truth: Animation has ALWAYS been hit or miss. You just remember the good stuff and forget the garbage.
Verdict: They still make great cartoons, you’re just old.
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Final Thoughts: Stop Complaining About Things You Don’t Understand
Caricatures are not evil, they’re a tool. Animation shortcuts are not laziness, they’re survival. And if you still think cheap animation means bad storytelling, I don’t know what to tell you except go outside and touch some grass.
Now, fight me in the comments. And if you love unhinged animation rants, check out my YouTube channel for more truth bombs.
The Top 10 Disney Films – A Brutal Roast & Toast (With Just Enough Self-Loathing to Keep It Relatable)
Alright, folks, let’s be real—Disney is the supreme overlord of animated movies. They’ve been running the cartoon game for nearly a century, churning out films so iconic that entire generations of kids have burned their childhood innocence into VHS tapes, DVDs, and now soulless streaming platforms that remove movies whenever they feel like it.
But here’s the thing: for every jaw-dropping masterpiece Disney has given us, they’ve also given us some deeply unsettling themes, unhinged plotlines, and enough nightmare fuel to warrant an entire therapy industry.
So today, I present to you:
The Top 10 Disney Films – Roasted, Toasted, and Analyzed by Someone Who Probably Needs to Go Outside More
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10. The Lion King (1994) – AKA “Hamlet, But With More Furry Bait”
Roast: You ever realize this movie is just Hamlet for kids, but instead of existential dread, we get a warthog farting in a meerkat’s face? This film had the nerve to traumatize an entire generation by yeeting Mufasa off a cliff in the most brutal father-death scene since Bambi’s mom. And let’s not ignore the fact that Scar was basically running a dictatorship with an army of hyenas who somehow didn’t eat him first.
Toast: That soundtrack? FLAWLESS. Elton John did NOT have to go that hard on “Circle of Life,” but he did, and we are better people for it. Also, let’s be honest—Scar is lowkey the best Disney villain of all time. Dude had the voice of Jeremy Irons and the energy of a bitter theater kid who got cast as “Tree #3” in a school play.
Self-Deprecation: Watching this as a kid? Sobbed. Watching it as an adult? Sobbed harder, but in a more existential way. Also, I unironically tried to sing “Be Prepared” in the shower once and almost slipped on a bar of soap.
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9. Beauty and the Beast (1991) – AKA “Stockholm Syndrome, But Make It a Musical”
Roast: Let’s not sugarcoat this: Belle fell in love with her kidnapper. This man **locked her in a castle, threw a tantrum over soup, and had literal talking furniture peer-pressuring her into romance. Also, let’s talk about how Gaston was right. I mean, the Beast literally had an entire dungeon—maybe Gaston just had a basic sense of public safety.
Toast: That ballroom scene? Chef’s kiss. The animation team straight-up invented CGI for that one moment. And Belle? Actually a top-tier Disney protagonist. She was out here reading books and roasting idiots, which, honestly, is the dream.
Self-Deprecation: I once thought Lumière was the most sophisticated Disney character ever… only to realize he was basically just a French frat bro who sang about pressuring dinner guests into eating mystery meat.
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8. Aladdin (1992) – AKA “Wish Fulfillment, Literally”
Roast: My guy Aladdin was out here committing identity fraud and we all just went along with it. He gaslit an entire kingdom into thinking he was royalty and won over Jasmine by lying at every opportunity. Also, Jafar’s evil plan was literally just ‘Get a government job and work your way up the ladder.’ That’s not villainy, that’s called “career ambition.”
Toast: Robin Williams as the Genie. End of discussion. This man delivered a voice performance so good it carried the entire movie. Also, “A Whole New World” is the most dangerously singable Disney song of all time.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to do the “magic carpet lean” while singing A Whole New World… in my living room. Result? A bruised knee, a broken chair, and a shattered ego.
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7. The Little Mermaid (1989) – AKA “Sell Your Soul for a Man, the Movie”
Roast: Ariel really said, “I’ll permanently alter my DNA for a dude I saw once.” Homegirl traded her entire voice, culture, and ability to swim for some dude with great hair but no actual personality. Also, King Triton? Dude literally caused the whole plot by being a bad dad. If he’d just let Ariel date a fish boy from the reef, we wouldn’t even have a movie.
Toast: Ursula is a QUEEN. She had charisma, business sense, and a killer wardrobe. Honestly, she deserved to rule the ocean. And let’s be honest, “Under the Sea” slaps harder than my rent payments.
Self-Deprecation: I used to think Eric was the perfect prince. Then I realized he fell in love with a mute girl who washed up on shore like a drowned rat. Dude was just lonely.
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6. Mulan (1998) – AKA “Cross-Dressing and War Crimes for Family Honor”
Roast: The entire plot of this movie is based on a teenager committing federal fraud. Mulan forged government documents, stole a horse, and committed identity theft. But because she did it for “honor,” Disney just lets it slide. Also, let’s talk about how the Huns survived an avalanche like they were in a Fast & Furious movie.
Toast: Mulan is hands-down one of the best Disney protagonists ever. She saved China, roasted men for their fragile masculinity, and did it all with the voice of Ming-Na Wen. Also, “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” could single-handedly bring back gym memberships.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to do Mulan’s sword pose in front of a mirror. I fell, hit my dresser, and had to explain a forehead bruise to my coworkers.
5. Hercules (1997) – AKA “Greek Mythology, But With More Jazz Hands”
Roast: First of all, this movie has the historical accuracy of a fever dream. Disney took one look at Greek mythology and said, “What if we made it into a 90-minute motivational poster?” In actual mythology, Hercules killed his entire family in a fit of rage. In Disney? He’s just a confused himbo with the upper body strength of a literal god and the emotional range of a piece of toast.
Also, WHY is Hades the only competent character? Dude ran the underworld, had an army, and was doing just fine until Hercules and his five brain cells showed up. If anything, Zeus is the real villain here—man had one job (raise his son) and instead decided to just yeet him to Earth and hope for the best.
Toast: The Muses carried this entire film. The moment they started singing, I knew this movie had more soul than my actual soul. And yes, I still sing “I Won’t Say I’m in Love” like it’s a legally required breakup anthem.
Self-Deprecation: As a kid, I thought Phil’s training montage would make me want to exercise. Instead, I ate a bag of Doritos while watching it. To this day, I still think about working out whenever I hear “Zero to Hero”—and then immediately sit down.
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4. Frozen (2013) – AKA “Sibling Trauma and Ice Lasers”
Roast: The core message of this movie is “your sister ignored you for a decade, but it’s fine because she has magic hands now.” Elsa spent years freezing out her only friend, and we’re just supposed to accept that she’s the hero?
Also, Hans played the long game better than most Disney villains. My guy waited for years, dated Anna for like 10 minutes, and nearly stole an entire kingdom. Meanwhile, Kristoff—our actual romantic lead—was out here talking to a reindeer like it was his therapist.
Toast: Frozen gave us one of the most overplayed songs in human history, but let’s be real—it’s a banger. Elsa’s ice palace animation alone set the entire animation industry back three years because it was so detailed. Also, Olaf is somehow the most emotionally stable character, and that says a lot.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to hit the high note in “Let It Go” in my car and immediately pulled something in my throat. The only thing I let go was my dignity.
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3. Finding Nemo (2003) – AKA “Single Dad Anxiety: The Movie”
Roast: Marlin’s entire personality is just “What if anxiety was a fish?” The dude went on an ocean-wide manhunt for his son, and somehow a fish with memory loss was the most competent sidekick. Also, can we talk about how the sharks literally had an AA meeting for eating their own kind?
And don’t even get me started on Darla, the psycho child who shook fish to death. Where were this girl’s parents? Why was she allowed in public? That kid should be on a watchlist.
Toast: The animation in this movie? So good it ruined my expectations for real life. Also, Dory carried this film. Without her, Marlin would have cried himself into a tide pool.
Self-Deprecation: Watching this movie as a kid? Terrifying. Watching it as an adult? Even worse, because now I understand why Marlin was freaking out. I’ve misplaced my phone for two minutes and had a full-on crisis—this dude lost his CHILD.
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2. Pocahontas (1995) – AKA “History? Never Heard of It.”
Roast: This movie really said, “What if we took a tragic real-life story and made it… a musical?” Nothing like turning colonialism into a magical romance. Also, Pocahontas was 10 years old in real life. But Disney said, “Nah, make her 20 and give her a perfect blowout.”
Also, John Smith had zero personality. His whole character arc was “I showed up and decided to be less racist than my friends.” Congratulations? The bar is on the floor.
Toast: Colors of the Wind is an undeniable masterpiece. That song alone deserved its own Oscar. Also, Meeko the raccoon had more character development than John Smith, and I respect that.
Self-Deprecation: I used to think this was historically accurate. Then I read a book and realized this movie was basically fanfiction with a soundtrack.
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1. Cinderella (1950) – AKA “Just Get Better Shoes, Girl”
Roast: Cinderella’s entire plan was “change my outfit and hope my problems disappear.” And it worked. The Prince didn’t even remember her face. My guy was out here holding a royal manhunt over a SHOE. Not her voice, not her personality—just one extremely niche foot size.
Also, how did the glass slipper not shatter? The moment she stepped on cobblestone, that thing should have exploded.
Toast: Despite its nonsense, this movie is peak Disney magic. The animation, the fairy godmother scene, the **“Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo” nonsense—it’s all iconic.
Self-Deprecation: I once tried to put on a shoe a size too small to see if I could “Cinderella” my way into it. End result? Lost circulation in my foot and had to wobble around for 10 minutes.
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Final Thoughts: I Love These Movies, But Let’s Be Honest…
Yes, I just roasted all of these films. Yes, they are deeply flawed. But do I love them anyway? Absolutely.
Now it’s your turn—argue with me in the comments. What movie deserved MORE roasting? Which one do you irrationally love even though it makes no sense?
Cinderella: The Original Foot Fetish Fairytale
Roast: Let’s just address the glass-slippered elephant in the room—Cinderella is the OG foot fetish movie, and we all just let it slide.
Think about it. The prince had one job: find the love of his life. But did he remember her face? Nope. Her voice? Not a chance. Her general vibe? Absolutely not. The man saw one (1) dainty foot and decided, “Yeah, this is the only way I can identify her.”
And Disney doubled down on this. Entire scenes are just close-ups of women desperately trying to squeeze their feet into the slipper like it’s a 4-inch heel from the clearance rack at Payless. Meanwhile, Prince Charming is out here, personally supervising the royal foot inspections like Quentin Tarantino’s spiritual ancestor.
Oh, and let’s not forget the sheer logistical nonsense of this glass slipper test.
• What if someone had the same shoe size?
• What if Cinderella’s foot was just swollen that day?
• What if the prince had a slight memory and was like, “Hmm, maybe I should just… look at her face?”
But nah. It’s all about the feet.
Toast: The fairy godmother sequence? Still iconic. The animation? Stunning. The fact that this movie somehow made me root for a woman whose only strategy for escaping poverty was getting better shoes? Impressive.
Self-Deprecation: As a kid, I thought the whole glass slipper thing was romantic. As an adult, I realize Cinderella got engaged to a man who literally did not recognize her outside of foot measurements. Meanwhile, I can barely recognize my own socks after they go through the wash.
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So yeah. Cinderella? A magical fairytale, yes. But also? The original blueprint for foot-obsessed weirdos everywhere.
Now, argue with me in the comments—was Prince Charming just an incompetent romantic, or did he have some “preferences” we should be concerned about? And while you’re at it, check out my YouTube channel for more animation takes, cartoons, and poor life choices.
Cartoons, Nostalgia, and the Deranged Psychoanalysts Who Accidentally Warped My Brain (and Yours, Too)
Alright, listen up, you glorious animation-loving degenerates—it’s time we talk about why we’re all obsessed with cartoons like they’re a lost religious text instead of just moving drawings of talking animals and emotionally stunted superheroes.
Why do we keep coming back to the cartoons of our childhood? Why do we get physically enraged when someone messes with a beloved animated classic? Why does my brain refuse to retain important tax information, yet I can perfectly recall the entire DuckTales theme song at a moment’s notice?
Because we’ve all been psychologically manipulated by dead guys in tweed jackets who couldn’t stop projecting their own childhood trauma onto the rest of us.
Yeah, that’s right. If you’re obsessed with animation, you can directly blame a bunch of early 20th-century psychoanalysts who turned childhood into a battlefield of subconscious mind games. Freud, Jung, and the entire nostalgia industrial complex have been running our brains like an old Hanna-Barbera animation loop.
Let’s break this nonsense down. And, as always, if you disagree, I invite you to FIGHT ME IN THE COMMENTS.
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Step 1: Freud Makes Childhood Weird (Again)
Let’s start with Sigmund “I Ruin Everything” Freud.
Freud had one major theory: every single thing you do, think, or say is because of deep-seated childhood trauma.
Did you develop an attachment to cartoons with heroic father figures like The Lion King or Batman: The Animated Series? That’s daddy issues, my guy.
Did you fixate on weird, surreal, chaotic cartoons like Ren & Stimpy or Ed, Edd n Eddy? Your subconscious is screaming for help.
Did you enjoy Tom & Jerry? Congratulations, you have unresolved aggression issues and should probably stay away from open flame.
Freud didn’t live long enough to witness Looney Tunes, but if he had, he’d absolutely have written a 400-page thesis about how Elmer Fudd’s inability to kill Bugs Bunny was some kind of repressed Oedipal conflict.
The worst part? Freud’s nonsense infected everything. Animators—whether consciously or not—built entire franchises that pandered to our deep-seated neuroses.
That’s why old cartoons feel so weirdly psychological when you look back:
• Bugs Bunny constantly switching identities and gender roles? Freud would call that latent repression.
• Wile E. Coyote’s endless cycle of failure? Textbook self-sabotage.
• Goofy being a dog who owns a dog? Freud would just stare at you silently and hand you a whiskey.
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Step 2: Carl Jung Decides Everything Is an Archetype and Now I Can’t Unsee It
Now, Freud was all about trauma, but Carl Jung? Carl Jung was about patterns. He believed that every story ever told follows the same recurring psychological blueprints called archetypes.
And wouldn’t you know it, every single cartoon character you’ve ever loved falls into one of these categories:
• The Hero – (Superman, Goku, Leonardo from TMNT, Ash Ketchum, Every Protagonist With Spiky Hair)
• The Shadow (Villain) – (Scar, The Joker, Shredder, Your HOA President)
• The Wise Mentor – (Yoda, Splinter, Rafiki, The One Uncle Everyone Trusts at Thanksgiving)
• The Trickster – (Bugs Bunny, Loki, That Friend Who Convinces You to Get Taco Bell at 2 AM)
Jung unknowingly laid the foundation for every single animated story structure.
Take Batman: The Animated Series. Jung would have LOST HIS MIND over how that show perfectly used the Shadow archetype for villains, the Wise Mentor for Alfred, and the Eternal Child for Robin (who, let’s be honest, was one rooftop jump away from a therapy appointment at all times).
Even Rick and Morty—which acts like it’s above everything—is literally just Jungian archetypes with extra nihilism and less emotional stability.
Jung didn’t mean to create the literal blueprint for every great animated story ever, but here we are.
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Step 3: Nostalgia Is a Scam (And I Keep Falling for It Anyway)
Fast forward to today, and now we’re all held hostage by the weaponized nostalgia machine.
Cartoons follow a 30-year nostalgia cycle, which means that EVERYTHING YOU LOVED AS A KID WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU.
• ‘80s kids got Transformers and Ninja Turtles revivals in the 2010s.
• ‘90s kids got DuckTales and Animaniacs reboots in the 2020s.
• 2000s kids are about to get a cursed Jimmy Neutron revival and they are NOT ready.
The formula is insultingly simple:
1. You love a show as a kid.
2. You forget about it in your teenage years while pretending to like “serious” things.
3. You rediscover it as an adult and suddenly believe it was pure genius.
4. You force your kids to watch it while muttering about how “cartoons used to be better.”
5. Hollywood cashes in and reboots it with just enough polish to emotionally destroy you.
And guess what? I fall for it EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Did I watch the DuckTales reboot even though I told myself I wouldn’t? Yes.
Am I going to cry when they inevitably reboot Batman: The Animated Series with AI-enhanced animation? Obviously.
Would I fight a man in a Chili’s parking lot over whether the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon was peak storytelling? Try me.
Because nostalgia isn’t just a feeling—it’s a BUSINESS MODEL.
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What Have We Learned?
That cartoons have psychologically hijacked our brains and there is no escape.
They were built on Freudian subconscious chaos.
They were structured around Jungian storytelling instincts.
And now they are packaged, rebooted, and force-fed back to us in a cycle of nostalgia so perfect it would make a time traveler cry.
So the next time you find yourself binge-watching X-Men: The Animated Series and wondering why it still slaps harder than modern superhero movies, just remember:
It’s not your fault.
It’s Freud’s.
But You Know What You CAN Control?
Watching actual new cartoons made by real humans and not corporate AI sludge. That’s why I MAKE MY OWN.
Check out my YouTube channel where I create original animation, absurd cartoon breakdowns, and unhinged rants like this but with more moving pictures.
And if you think I’m wrong about anything in this post, come at me in the comments. Let’s battle it out like Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam, except with more internet rage and fewer guns.
Top 10 Reasons Anime is Dangerous, Awful, Ugly, and Will Blatantly Corrupt, Possess, and Pervert Your Children
Alright, folks, it’s time to speak the truth that no one else is brave enough to say: anime is a plague upon society. It is warping minds, destroying morals, and slowly turning the world into a terrifying place where grown adults unironically argue over which fictional 14-year-old is “best girl.”
You might think, “But isn’t anime just cartoons from Japan?” NO. That’s what they want you to think. Anime is a dangerous, soul-consuming force that will absolutely corrupt your children, ruin your household, and possibly open a portal to an alternate dimension where everyone screams their emotions in dramatic gasps.
So, let’s break down the top 10 reasons why anime is a threat to humanity, a blight on art, and the leading cause of uncontrollable, obsessive weirdness.
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10. Anime Fans Will Not Shut Up About It
You ever met an anime fan? I’m sorry.
The moment they find out you’ve never watched their favorite series, it’s over. Suddenly, your life becomes a nonstop lecture about why you “NEED to watch Attack on Titan right now,” complete with aggressive hand gestures, incomprehensible lore dumps, and the looming threat of endless AMVs.
And if you dare say “I don’t really like anime” in front of them? Congratulations, you’ve just signed up for a 12-hour PowerPoint presentation about how you’re wrong, ignorant, and probably a bad person.
Verdict: If anime isn’t dangerous, then why does it turn its fans into relentless missionaries trying to convert the world one poorly explained anime plot at a time?
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9. The Animation is Both Too Much and Not Enough
Anime’s animation quality is a bizarre paradox. Either:
1. Nothing moves for 10 minutes straight. Instead of animating, the studio zooms in on a still image while characters dramatically gasp.
2. It moves TOO much. The second a fight scene starts, the budget explodes and suddenly the animation looks better than real life.
What is this inconsistency? How does the same medium produce animation that looks like a million-dollar masterpiece one second, and then revert to 3 PowerPoint slides and a dream the next?
Verdict: Pick a lane, anime. Either be beautifully animated or stay ugly forever.
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8. The Art Style is Just… Wrong
Anime looks like someone tried to describe a human face to an alien.
• The eyes are too big.
• The noses are microscopic.
• The hair defies all known laws of physics and logic.
• The mouths either move too much or not at all.
How did we let an entire industry normalize characters looking like mutated Bratz dolls? Why is it that in 90% of anime, the men look like soft, sad twigs, while the women look like they stepped out of an inflation fetishist’s DeviantArt page?
Verdict: If I showed a Victorian child an anime screenshot, they would die instantly.
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7. It Normalizes Screaming as a Personality Trait
If you watch anime, you now live in a world where yelling is the only form of communication.
• Main character? Always shouting.
• Side character? Screaming about friendship.
• Villain? Screaming about revenge.
• Comic relief character? Yelling because yelling is funny.
Every argument in anime sounds like two cats fighting in an alley at 3 AM. Every emotional moment has to be at 200% volume. Even whispered dialogue somehow feels loud.
Verdict: If anime doesn’t ruin your child’s moral compass, it’ll definitely ruin their inside voice.
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6. The Filler Episodes Will Steal Your Life Away
Have you ever tried to watch an anime with more than 100 episodes? Congratulations, you’re now a prisoner.
• Naruto – Half the show is filler.
• One Piece – Will never end.
• Dragon Ball Z – Took 12 episodes for one guy to throw a punch.
• Bleach – Had an entire arc where NOTHING HAPPENED.
Anime traps its audience in a never-ending cycle of waiting for real content. It’s the entertainment industry’s biggest scam.
Verdict: By the time you finish one anime, your child will be legally old enough to rent a car.
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5. It Turns People Into Weebs, and Weebs are a Problem
What is a weeb? A weeb is a person who loves anime… a little TOO much.
Symptoms of weeb-ness include:
• Suddenly speaking broken Japanese in daily conversation.
• Dressing like a character with zero self-awareness.
• Refusing to watch anything not in Japanese because “subtitles are the only real way to experience it.”
• Developing a deeply concerning attachment to fictional waifus/husbandos.
And once someone becomes a weeb, there is no return.
Verdict: Anime isn’t just a hobby—it’s a full-blown personality replacement program.
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4. The “Fan Service” is Just Cartoon Softcore Porn
If you’ve ever watched anime with a normal human being in the room, you’ve probably had to explain some incredibly uncomfortable scenes.
• Panty shots in a show that’s supposedly “for kids.”
• Boobs that defy all logic and physics.
• High school girls drawn like they’re one step away from an FBI raid.
At some point, we need to admit that anime has a PROBLEM with unnecessary, weird, and downright creepy fan service.
Verdict: Good luck explaining why the main character just tripped and landed face-first into someone’s chest.
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3. The Fans Will Defend Anything, No Matter How Awful It Is
Anime fans are the most loyal (and terrifying) fandom on the planet. If you dare criticize a bad anime, prepare for:
• Death threats.
• 4-hour-long YouTube rants about how “you just don’t get it.”
• Someone explaining the “deep symbolism” in an anime about magical catgirls.
Anime fans will defend absolute garbage like it’s a sacred text.
Verdict: Anime isn’t just dangerous—it creates an army of fans who will die on the dumbest hills imaginable.
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2. It Glorifies Emotionally Broken Main Characters
In anime, being emotionally unstable is a superpower.
• Depressed? You’re probably the chosen one.
• Have unresolved trauma? Time to become an elite warrior.
• Abandoned as a child? Congratulations, you’re the most powerful person in the universe.
Instead of teaching healthy coping mechanisms, anime tells kids “if you’re sad enough, you’ll develop superpowers.”
Verdict: Therapy is expensive, but watching a guy scream his trauma away for 300 episodes is free.
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1. IT NEVER ENDS
If you let your child watch anime, kiss them goodbye. They will never finish watching all of it. Even if they do, there’s always another series.
Anime is not just a genre—it’s a lifetime commitment. And once you’re in? You never leave.
Verdict: Anime isn’t a show, it’s a trap.
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Final Thoughts: Run While You Still Can
So, is anime actually dangerous, awful, and corrupting? No. But does it create an army of screaming, hyper-obsessed, reality-avoiding fans? Absolutely.
Now, fight me in the comments. And if you love animation rants, check out my YouTube channel for more unhinged nonsense.
Animation Anarchy FAQ: Answering the Questions No One Asked (But Should Have)
Welcome to Animation Anarchy, the most chaotic, unnecessary, and undeniably genius corner of the internet dedicated to animated TV and film. You might have questions. You probably don’t. But that won’t stop me from answering them.
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What is Animation Anarchy?
It’s a blog. It’s a movement. It’s an animated fever dream disguised as intelligent analysis. We take animation way too seriously and not seriously at all, simultaneously. If you’ve ever wanted deep-dive breakdowns of Scooby-Doo’s tax fraud potential or a conspiracy theory about why Mickey Mouse might be a shadow government operative, you’re in the right place.
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Who writes this nonsense?
That would be me, Jesse Bray—a creative mad scientist, professional animator, and man with way too many opinions about cartoons. If you need credentials, I’ve been making animations since before YouTube even knew what HD was. If you don’t need credentials, good, because I was going to ignore that request anyway.
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Why is this called Animation Anarchy?
Because Animation Sensible, Well-Thought-Out Takes sounded boring. This blog is here to rip the filter off and say what everyone is thinking (or at least what I’m thinking at 3 AM after too much coffee).
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What kind of animation do you cover?
Everything from 90s classics to modern disasters. If it’s animated, it’s fair game—TV shows, movies, hand-drawn, CGI, stop-motion, even the horrifying wax figures from early 2000s 3D animation experiments. If it moves, we roast it.
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Is this a serious blog?
That depends. Are we serious about unserious things? Absolutely. Will we ever write a straightforward, no-jokes, purely educational post? Absolutely not.
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What cartoons do you refuse to cover?
• Powerpuff Girls (I know nothing, and I want to keep it that way.)
• Arthur (This aardvark is dead to me.)
• Teletubbies (Not a cartoon. Also, they haunt my dreams.)
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Why do you roast modern animation so much?
Because I love animation, and nothing hurts like watching it get mangled by AI-generated scripts, lazy reboots, and characters with the depth of a cardboard cutout. That being said, I give credit where it’s due… and then immediately take it back if the animation does something stupid in episode two.
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Is this just a nostalgia blog?
No. I have the memory of a goldfish and barely remember half the shows I watched as a kid. That’s why we deep-dive, rewatch, and painfully relive the awkward animation choices of our childhoods together.
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Are there spoilers?
Oh, absolutely. If you think this blog is going to tiptoe around spoilers, you’re in the wrong part of the internet. You’ve had decades to watch these shows. If you didn’t, that’s on you.
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What if I get offended by one of your posts?
Then you have excellent taste in getting offended because that means you actually read it. Feel free to rage-comment below so I can use your outrage to fuel my next post.
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What if I disagree with your takes?
Congratulations! You’re a fully functioning human being with your own thoughts and opinions. Feel free to argue in the comments, but just know that I am always right.
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Will this blog help me become an animator?
Sure! Here’s a free step-by-step animation tutorial:
1. Watch cartoons.
2. Complain about them.
3. Draw something better.
4. Realize animation takes forever and cry.
5. Keep animating anyway.
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Can I submit ideas or topics?
Yes! Just know that if your idea is terrible, I will pretend I never saw it.
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Where can I read more of your unfiltered thoughts on animation?
Follow me on YouTube, because let’s be honest, this blog is mostly here to drive traffic to my channel and make you laugh so hard that you can’t resist subscribing.
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Final Question: Why should I even read this blog?
Because you love animation, you love chaos, and you have nothing better to do right now. Or maybe because I bribed you with nostalgia, good taste, and the occasional conspiracy theory. Either way, welcome to Animation Anarchy—where cartoons get the respect (or disrespect) they deserve.
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 10: The Top 30 Most Popular Cartoon Characters and the Careers They Should Have Chosen Instead
Or: If These Characters Had Therapy, Their Lives Would Be VERY Different
Alright, folks.
This is it.
The FINAL CHAPTER of our deep dive into cartoon character psychology.
For the last nine episodes, we’ve exposed heroes, villains, sidekicks, and eldritch horrors disguised as children’s characters.
But today?
TODAY, WE FIX THEM.
🔥 What if cartoon characters actually went to therapy?
🔥 What if they got real jobs instead of running around causing chaos?
🔥 What careers would actually suit their psychological profiles?
Well, wonder no more.
Because today, we’re breaking down 30 of the most iconic animated characters and giving them the jobs they should have had instead of terrorizing our childhoods.
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1. Homer Simpson (The Simpsons) – Should Have Been a Crash Test Dummy
Psyche Evaluation:
• Low effort, high survivability.
• Somehow never truly dies, despite his choices.
• Can withstand immense physical trauma.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Crash Test Dummy. 🔥
Homer has spent 34+ seasons proving he can survive literally anything.
✅ Fell down Springfield Gorge? Lived.
✅ Electrocuted himself repeatedly? Thrived.
✅ Been crushed, burned, shot, and flattened? Still kicking.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d save millions in car safety testing. 🔥
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2. SpongeBob SquarePants – Should Have Been a Cult Leader
Psyche Evaluation:
• Unbreakable optimism in the face of reality.
• Unhealthy obsession with a dead-end job.
• Somehow convinces others to follow his madness.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Cult Leader. 🔥
SpongeBob could:
✅ Get people to give up their entire lives to worship a spatula.
✅ Turn the Chum Bucket into a religious movement.
✅ Convince an entire town that jellyfishing is a sacred ritual.
Honestly?
🔥 He’s one good speech away from starting the Church of Krabby Patty. 🔥
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3. Batman – Should Have Been an HR Manager
Psyche Evaluation:
• Incapable of processing emotions normally.
• Obsessed with rules, justice, and workplace efficiency.
• Hires multiple underpaid child sidekicks.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Human Resources Manager. 🔥
Bruce Wayne would:
✅ Fire you for being two minutes late.
✅ Make you train in the break room for six years before giving you a real task.
✅ Expect you to work overnight while he sulks in a corner.
Honestly?
🔥 Gotham’s real crime problem is that Batman has never taken a vacation. 🔥
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4. Bugs Bunny – Should Have Been a Supreme Court Lawyer
Psyche Evaluation:
• Master manipulator.
• Wins every argument, every time.
• Takes loopholes to an ungodly level.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Supreme Court Lawyer. 🔥
If Bugs Bunny were in a courtroom, he would:
✅ Out-argue every opposing attorney within 10 minutes.
✅ Convince the judge that his client is innocent, even if they confessed.
✅ Cross-dress and somehow still win the case.
Honestly?
🔥 If Bugs had a law degree, we’d all be doomed. 🔥
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5. Scooby-Doo – Should Have Been a Food Critic
Psyche Evaluation:
• Refuses to do work unless food is involved.
• Eats more than a human should be able to consume.
• Has never said no to a snack, ever.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Food Critic. 🔥
If Scooby was a real food reviewer, he would:
✅ Demand a lifetime supply of Scooby Snacks as payment.
✅ Give every restaurant a five-star review, just for free food.
✅ Write reviews that are 90% drooling sounds.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d be the Anthony Bourdain of dog food. 🔥
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6. Dexter (Dexter’s Laboratory) – Should Have Been a Pharmaceutical CEO
Psyche Evaluation:
• Genius with no regard for ethical consequences.
• Thinks he’s better than everyone.
• Invents things that could change the world but hoards them.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Big Pharma CEO. 🔥
If Dexter worked in medicine, he would:
✅ Discover the cure for every disease.
✅ Charge $5,000 per pill.
✅ Spend most of his time feuding with his sister in the company parking lot.
Honestly?
🔥 Dexter is two patents away from being Elon Musk. 🔥
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7. The Powerpuff Girls – Should Have Been a Government Weapons Program
Psyche Evaluation:
• Literal weapons of mass destruction disguised as children.
• No oversight, no regulation.
• Regularly level entire cities with no consequences.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Military-Grade Superweapons. 🔥
The U.S. government would:
✅ Put them on the payroll before they turned 10.
✅ Deploy them in every war ever.
✅ Spend billions making “Powerpuff Drones.”
Honestly?
🔥 These girls should NOT be in kindergarten. 🔥
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8. Johnny Bravo – Should Have Been a Used Car Salesman
Psyche Evaluation:
• Full confidence, zero awareness.
• Will hit on anything with a pulse.
• Talks fast, sells nonsense, never admits failure.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Used Car Salesman. 🔥
Johnny Bravo could:
✅ Sell you a car that doesn’t have an engine.
✅ Talk you into a bad deal while flexing in the mirror.
✅ Convince himself it was YOUR fault when the car breaks down.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d be the king of sleazy commercials. 🔥
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Final Thoughts: These Characters Missed Their Callings
At the end of the day, if these cartoon characters had pursued actual careers instead of running around causing chaos…
🔥 The world would be a VERY different place. 🔥
Imagine:
✅ Batman running HR meetings.
✅ SpongeBob leading a cult.
✅ Bugs Bunny winning Supreme Court cases in drag.
Because if these characters had real jobs instead of terrorizing animated worlds, the world would be a much safer (and probably funnier) place.
9. Goofy – Should Have Been a Life Coach
Psyche Evaluation:
• Unstoppable optimism despite obvious disasters.
• Survives purely through luck and accidental wisdom.
• Somehow keeps a job, a house, and a kid despite being Goofy.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Life Coach. 🔥
Goofy would:
✅ Give the worst advice but somehow make it work.
✅ Teach mindfulness by accident.
✅ Turn failure into success just by being himself.
Honestly?
🔥 People would PAY to hear him say “Gawrsh, just believe in yourself!” 🔥
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10. Wile E. Coyote – Should Have Been a NASA Engineer
Psyche Evaluation:
• Brilliant, but an idiot at the same time.
• More durable than any living thing should be.
• Has spent MILLIONS on ACME products instead of solving hunger.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 NASA Engineer. 🔥
If Wile E. Coyote worked at NASA, he would:
✅ Build a rocket in three minutes.
✅ Make it explode immediately.
✅ Die and respawn 50 times but still try again.
Honestly?
🔥 He’d get humans to Mars through sheer trial and error. 🔥
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11. Patrick Star – Should Have Been a DMV Employee
Psyche Evaluation:
• Slow-moving, unbothered, does not care.
• Knows absolutely nothing, yet remains confident.
• Can sit in the same spot for hours and feel nothing.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 DMV Employee. 🔥
Patrick Star would:
✅ Make you wait three hours for no reason.
✅ Forget why you were there in the first place.
✅ Give you the wrong paperwork and take a nap.
Honestly?
🔥 Perfectly qualified. 🔥
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12. Daffy Duck – Should Have Been a Twitter Troll
Psyche Evaluation:
• Angry, loud, thrives on chaos.
• Constantly seeking validation but refuses to admit it.
• Lives to argue and will never back down.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Professional Twitter Troll. 🔥
Daffy would:
✅ Start fights for no reason.
✅ Turn every debate into a personal vendetta.
✅ Never log off.
Honestly?
🔥 The internet was made for him. 🔥
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13. Fred Flintstone – Should Have Been a Construction Union Rep
Psyche Evaluation:
• Overworked dad energy.
• Loud, angry, always fighting The Man.
• Loves a good lunch break.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 Construction Union Representative. 🔥
Fred would:
✅ Fight for fair wages while eating a giant turkey leg.
✅ Lead a strike with a dinosaur-powered megaphone.
✅ Make “Yabba-Dabba-Doo” the official labor chant.
Honestly?
🔥 He was born for this. 🔥
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14. Pepe Le Pew – Should Have Been Banned from Society
Psyche Evaluation:
• Too much confidence, not enough self-awareness.
• Cannot take “NO” for an answer.
• If he were real, he’d be in prison.
Career Recommendation:
🔥 None. Keep him away from people. 🔥
Pepe Le Pew should:
✅ Be on a government watchlist.
✅ Stay at least 500 feet away from everyone.
✅ Have an intervention immediately.
Honestly?
🔥 No job. Just therapy. Forever. 🔥
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15-30 (Rapid-Fire Career Fixes)
15. Shaggy (Scooby-Doo) → Cannabis Dispensary Owner (You already know why.)
16. Tom (Tom & Jerry) → UFC Fighter (Takes beatings, keeps coming back.)
17. Jerry (Tom & Jerry) → Political Strategist (Wins every battle through petty manipulation.)
18. Plankton (SpongeBob) → Tech CEO (Evil genius who hoards bad ideas.)
19. Mojo Jojo (Powerpuff Girls) → Motivational Speaker (Talks too much but sounds convincing.)
20. The Grinch → HOA President (Hates fun, wants total control.)
21. Yosemite Sam → Florida Man (No job. Just causes chaos.)
22. Perry the Platypus (Phineas & Ferb) → CIA Operative (Already doing it, just needs a paycheck.)
23. Dr. Doofenshmirtz (Phineas & Ferb) → QVC Salesperson (Could sell you an “inator” at 2 AM.)
24. Gaston (Beauty & the Beast) → Gym Influencer (“STOP BEING POOR, BRO!”)
25. Mr. Krabs (SpongeBob) → Investment Banker (Would sell you AND your soul for $1.)
26. Ed (Ed, Edd n Eddy) → Reality Show Star (Would out-weird anyone on TV.)
27. Edd (Ed, Edd n Eddy) → MIT Professor (Too smart for his own good.)
28. Eddy (Ed, Edd n Eddy) → MLM Sales Guru (Would scam you into selling “Juice Detox Crystals.”)
29. The Pink Panther → High-End Art Thief (Steals, never gets caught.)
30. Popeye → FDA Test Subject (Ate mysterious spinach and became superhuman. No questions asked.)
⸻
Final Thoughts: We Fixed Cartoons Forever
If these characters got real jobs instead of ruining lives, we’d have:
✅ Batman running HR meetings.
✅ SpongeBob leading a cult.
✅ Bugs Bunny out-lawyering the entire Supreme Court.
Honestly?
🔥 Maybe it’s better that they stayed in cartoons. 🔥
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 9: The Most Unhinged Cartoon Characters You’ve Never Thought About (But Should Be Terrified Of)
Or: These Characters Need To Be Locked Away IMMEDIATELY
Alright.
We’ve dragged villains, exposed heroes, and humiliated sidekicks.
But today?
TODAY, WE ENTER THE TWILIGHT ZONE.
Because some cartoon characters aren’t just weird.
Some of them aren’t just quirky.
Some of them are so psychologically broken, so existentially horrifying, that I can only assume their creators made them as a cry for help.
So today, we’re breaking down the most unhinged animated characters that no one talks about—but absolutely should.
⸻
1. Freakazoid – The Living, Breathing Embodiment of an ADHD Meltdown
Profile:
• A normal guy who got sucked into the internet and turned into pure chaos.
• Runs on 100% energy drinks, 0% impulse control.
• The Joker, but if he worked at GameStop.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Hyperactive Reality Warping Disorder” 🔥
Freakazoid is:
✅ What happens if you let a kid with a sugar high control the universe.
✅ The human version of opening 97 browser tabs at once.
✅ Proof that caffeine overdose should be studied by NASA.
He doesn’t solve crimes.
He doesn’t follow laws.
He doesn’t even follow the laws of PHYSICS.
He just EXISTS in his own manic world, dragging us along for the ride.
And honestly?
🔥 It’s terrifying. 🔥
Because imagine if YOU had to interact with him in real life.
• He’d hack your phone just to send you memes at 3 AM.
• He’d show up to your work, destroy your office, and then run away screaming for no reason.
• He’d replace all your socks with live ferrets and act like that’s normal.
Psychological Solution?
🔥 There is none. 🔥
We just have to accept that he’s out there, somewhere, causing mayhem.
⸻
2. Ren Höek – A Tiny Dog with the Mind of a War Criminal
Profile:
• A chihuahua powered entirely by hate and nicotine.
• His best friend is an idiot, and he takes it personally.
• Might actually be possessed.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “High-Functioning Psychopath with Unstable Chihuahua Syndrome” 🔥
Ren Höek is:
✅ A small dog filled with nothing but rage.
✅ A living, breathing cartoon version of a caffeine withdrawal headache.
✅ An actual lawsuit waiting to happen.
This man is not OK.
• He hallucinates frequently.
• He has violent mood swings that could crack the Earth’s crust.
• He once looked into the camera and asked if he should “hurt someone”—and he meant it.
If Ren was a real person, he’d:
✅ Start bar fights over nothing.
✅ Threaten to fight the sun itself.
✅ Be banned from every fast-food restaurant in America.
Honestly?
🔥 We need to put him down before he learns how to build a bomb. 🔥
⸻
3. Billy (from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy) – A Human Black Hole of Stupidity
Profile:
• A boy so dumb that his brain is classified as an “active disaster zone.”
• Has met Satan and thought he was a mall Santa.
• His best friend is LITERALLY DEATH, and he still doesn’t take life seriously.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Weaponized Stupidity Disorder” 🔥
Billy is not just dumb.
🔥 HE IS A FORCE OF PURE, UNSTOPPABLE IDIOCY. 🔥
If brains were weapons, Billy would be holding a wet noodle in a nuclear war.
• He has opened portals to hell on accident.
• He has befriended eldritch beings without realizing it.
• He once had a talking parasite take over his body, and he just went with it.
And the worst part?
🔥 HE NEVER LEARNS. 🔥
If Billy were real, he’d:
✅ Fall into an open manhole and call it a fun ride.
✅ Try to pet a rattlesnake because “it looks friendly.”
✅ Accidentally sell his soul for a piece of gum.
Honestly?
🔥 Billy is proof that some people should not have free will. 🔥
⸻
4. CatDog – A Biological Horror That Science Refuses to Acknowledge
Profile:
• A single entity with two heads, no rear end, and infinite questions.
• They eat food, but WHERE DOES IT GO?
• They have different brains, but share a body. HOW?
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Existential Nightmare Syndrome” 🔥
CatDog is not just a weird cartoon concept.
🔥 IT IS A CRIME AGAINST BIOLOGY ITSELF. 🔥
• How do they digest food?
• How do they go to the bathroom?
• How do they NOT just snap in half trying to run in different directions?
AND YET, NOBODY IN THE SHOW ASKS THESE QUESTIONS.
If CatDog was real, they’d:
✅ Be studied in Area 51.
✅ Be worshipped as a god in some cultures.
✅ Cause at least 75 existential crises per minute.
Honestly?
🔥 CatDog needs to be sent back to whatever cosmic mistake created them. 🔥
⸻
5. Roger (from American Dad) – The Most Dangerous Creature on Earth
Profile:
• An alien that should have been deported IMMEDIATELY.
• Can shapeshift, commit crimes, and somehow never get caught.
• Would sell you to pirates just for fun.
Diagnosis:
🔥 “Highly Functional Sociopath with Delusions of Grand Theft Auto” 🔥
Roger is:
✅ A walking felony.
✅ A menace to society.
✅ A creature that should NOT be allowed to exist.
If Roger was a real person, he would:
✅ Steal your identity and sell it back to you.
✅ Fake his own death just to see who shows up to the funeral.
✅ Commit at least three felonies before breakfast.
Honestly?
🔥 Roger is too dangerous for Earth. We need to launch him into space IMMEDIATELY. 🔥
⸻
Final Thoughts: These Characters Should Not Exist, and Yet We Let Them Run Free
At the end of the day, some cartoon characters aren’t just weird.
🔥 THEY ARE ACTUAL THREATS TO HUMANITY. 🔥
And yet?
We love them.
Because deep down, we all know:
✅ We need chaos in our lives.
✅ These characters make us feel sane by comparison.
✅ If they were real, we’d all be DOOMED.
Honestly?
🔥 We wouldn’t have them any other way. 🔥
⸻
🔥 NEXT UP: Part 10 – Why Your Favorite Childhood Cartoon Is Secretly Terrifying. Stay tuned. And if you don’t subscribe to my YouTube channel, I will personally let Roger steal your identity.🔥
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 8: Why Woke Character Remakes Are Awful and Undermine Inclusion
Or: If You Ask What “Representation” Means, You’re a Bad Person
Alright, folks.
It’s time to strap in and cancel your future nostalgia, because Hollywood is coming for it.
We’re talking about woke character remakes.
You know, those brave corporate decisions to take a perfectly fine character, change one surface-level trait, and then pat themselves on the back like they just ended world hunger.
🔥 “Diversity and Inclusion achieved! We did it, everyone!” 🔥
Did you, though?
Or did you just swap out one checkbox for another while the scriptwriters fell asleep on their keyboards?
Now, before you start drafting that angry tweet, YES—I love great representation.
YES—diverse stories matter.
YES—inclusion is awesome.
But you know what isn’t awesome?
When a corporate boardroom decides that changing a character’s gender, race, or sexuality is a substitute for ACTUALLY WRITING A GOOD STORY.
So today, we’re diving into:
✅ Why no one actually knows what “representation” means.
✅ How diversity checklists are the worst possible way to write a character.
✅ Why criticizing fantasy for being “unrealistic” is nonsense.
✅ How I, personally, will never look like Superman, and that’s a CRIME.
Oh, and before we begin…
🔥 Subscribe to my YouTube channel, or I WILL reboot your favorite childhood cartoon into a soulless, TikTok-ified corporate disaster. 🔥
⸻
1. What Even Is “Representation?” No One Knows.
Every time a woke remake flops, some Hollywood executive crawls out of their villain lair to scold us:
“This was important representation! If you don’t like it, you’re a bad person!”
And every time, I have one simple question:
❓ Representation of WHAT? ❓
Because no one seems to agree.
• Is it seeing people who look like you?
• Is it seeing characters with the same struggles as you?
• Is it seeing a dragon in Game of Thrones complain about the gender pay gap?
WHO KNOWS.
Because if representation actually meant “realism,” then where are:
✅ The dad-bod superheroes who get winded after one flight of stairs?
✅ The mom-jeans-wearing crime-fighters who are just trying to get through a Tuesday?
✅ The geeky, front-butted nerds who actually look like the people watching the show?
Oh, that’s right—
That’s not “aspirational.”
Because, apparently, we only need representation when it looks cool.
And that’s why every “relatable” hero still looks like they bench-press planets before breakfast.
And honestly?
I feel personally attacked.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Confused by what representation actually means.
• Not ripped enough to be in a Marvel movie.
• Wants a superhero who has my exact body type, thanks.
Honestly?
If I ever get a superhero movie, I better get a realistic dad bod suit.
⸻
2. Fantasy Is Not Realistic, and That’s the Whole Point
Every few months, someone on the internet decides to get mad about a fantasy story because it’s not realistic.
And I have to remind them that it’s called “FANTASY” for a reason.
🔥 IT’S A CARTOON. 🔥
• Why do you care about historical accuracy in a world where dragons exist?
• Why are we debating realism in a franchise where a talking sponge wears pants?
• Why are people saying, “This character would never do that!” when the character is a literal fish?
Fantasy is our escape.
It’s not supposed to reflect real life.
Because if it did, we’d all be watching:
✅ Middle-Aged Man Tries to Get Health Insurance: The Series
✅ Woman Fills Out Spreadsheets and Cries: The Animated Musical
✅ Superheroes, but Everyone Has Back Pain and Goes to Bed by 9 PM
NOBODY WANTS THAT.
And yet, every few months, some Hollywood executive decides to make a story “more grounded.”
And guess what happens?
IT BECOMES BORING.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Overthinking cartoons way too much.
• Knows that realism ruins fantasy but keeps watching train wrecks anyway.
• Wants more ridiculous, over-the-top nonsense in media.
Honestly?
If I ever have to sit through one more gritty reboot of a fun story, I’m snapping.
⸻
3. Diversity Checklists Are the Narrative Equivalent of Throwing Every Ingredient in the Fridge into a Blender
Alright, let’s talk about corporate diversity.
Because at some point, Hollywood decided that representation means every single demographic must be in the same story at the same time NO MATTER WHAT.
So instead of telling a good story, they just:
✅ Cram every identity into the same five characters.
✅ Make sure each one has one (1) personality trait.
✅ Declare victory over racism, sexism, and homophobia.
The problem?
IT FEELS LIKE A CHECKLIST.
• We need a strong female lead! (But she’s not allowed to have flaws.)
• We need an LGBTQ+ character! (But they only get three lines of dialogue.)
• We need a disabled character! (But we don’t actually give them a real story.)
Instead of feeling real, it feels like Hollywood is just covering its bases.
And the result?
Characters with no depth, no personality, and no reason to exist except for marketing.
It’s like throwing every ingredient in your fridge into a blender and expecting it to taste good.
NO.
YOU NEED A RECIPE.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Has seen too many lazy diversity attempts.
• Just wants GOOD characters, not corporate checklists.
• Is now afraid to open the fridge because I might get hit with another reboot.
Honestly?
If I ever see one more soulless corporate “diverse” remake, I’m switching to Amish cartoons.
⸻
Final Thoughts: Stop Treating Representation Like a Gimmick.
At the end of the day, representation should be about GOOD storytelling.
Not marketing strategies.
Not checklists.
Not half-baked reboots that nobody asked for.
Because when diversity is done WELL, you get:
✅ Miles Morales (A NEW, amazing Spider-Man)
✅ Tiana (A princess with her own story and culture)
✅ Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (Diverse, fun, and ORIGINAL)
And when it’s done poorly?
You get corporate-approved nonsense with no heart.
So please—STOP REPAINTING OLD CHARACTERS AND CALLING IT PROGRESS.
🔥 NEXT UP: Part 9 – The Psychology of Animated Characters That Are Unhinged in the Best Way Possible. Stay tuned. And if you don’t subscribe to my YouTube channel, I will personally reboot your childhood cartoons into a painfully dull, focus-group-approved mess. 🔥
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 7: Character Archetypes That Always Work
Why We Keep Falling for the Same Characters Over and Over Again (And Why We Love It Anyway)
Alright.
We’ve talked about heroes, villains, sidekicks, and henchmen.
But today?
Today, we talk about the big picture—the character archetypes that NEVER fail.
You know the ones.
• The Edgy Loner™ who refuses to make friends but somehow ends up with a whole squad.
• The Himbo with a Heart of Gold™ who could bench-press a bus but forgets his own birthday.
• The Overly Sarcastic Best Friend™ who steals every scene and gets all the good lines.
These characters work EVERY TIME.
So today, we’re breaking down the psychology of the most successful animated character archetypes and figuring out why we fall for them again and again.
Oh, and before we start…
⸻
1. The Edgy Loner™ – “I Work Alone (Until I Don’t)”
Examples:
• Batman (Batman: The Animated Series) – Says he works alone but has like 15 sidekicks.
• Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender) – Took two seasons to realize he had friends.
• Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic X) – Probably listens to Evanescence unironically.
This character has one job:
💀 Be broody, cool, and emotionally unavailable. 💀
Their entire personality is just:
1️⃣ “I don’t need friends.”
2️⃣ (Accidentally makes friends.)
3️⃣ “I hate this, but I also love it.”
And the worst part?
We eat it up EVERY TIME.
Because let’s be real—who doesn’t love a dramatic backstory?
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Severe trust issues
• Probably stares at the moon while brooding
• Secretly loves their friends but refuses to admit it
Honestly?
If I had to pick an archetype, I’d be Zuko.
Because at least he gets a redemption arc.
⸻
2. The Himbo with a Heart of Gold™ – “Dumb But Strong, and We Love Him for It”
Examples:
• Kronk (The Emperor’s New Groove) – Muscles AND an expert chef? Iconic.
• Goku (Dragon Ball Z) – Loves fighting. Hates thinking.
• Jake the Dog (Adventure Time) – Technically wise, but also the definition of “vibes.”
This character is:
✅ Physically strong.
✅ Mentally… questionable.
✅ An absolute sweetheart.
And honestly?
We love them.
• Kronk? Can cook, can talk to animals, can carry the whole team.
• Goku? A himbo so powerful he can punch through dimensions.
• Jake? Just here for a good time.
These characters don’t need brains.
They just need to be lovable.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• No thoughts, just vibes
• Will absolutely forget important plot details
• Would give you their last slice of pizza, then ask if you want more
Honestly?
If I could be any archetype, I’d be Kronk.
Because at least he’s happy.
⸻
3. The Overly Sarcastic Best Friend™ – “I Exist to Roast the Main Character”
Examples:
• Bender (Futurama) – 100% here for chaos.
• Hades (Hercules: The Animated Series) – The sassiest god in history.
• Daria (Daria) – If sarcasm was a sport, she’d have Olympic gold.
This character is never the main protagonist.
But do they steal every scene they’re in?
YES.
Their entire personality is just:
1️⃣ Making fun of the main character.
2️⃣ Acting like they don’t care (but secretly do).
3️⃣ Delivering the best one-liners in the show.
And honestly?
We all aspire to be them.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• 95% sarcasm, 5% emotional trauma
• Would rather explode than admit they care about something
• Secretly the smartest character in the show
Honestly?
If I had to pick, I’d want to be Hades.
Because at least he makes world domination look fun.
⸻
4. The Small but Deadly™ – “I May Be Tiny, But I Can and Will End You”
Examples:
• Mandy (The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy) – Zero emotions. Infinite power.
• Yzma (The Emperor’s New Groove) – A literal stick figure, but more dangerous than most villains.
• Puss in Boots (Shrek 2) – Looks cute. Will stab you.
This character is:
✅ Smaller than everyone else.
✅ More dangerous than everyone else.
✅ Absolutely terrifying.
And the worst part?
They KNOW it.
• Mandy? Has never smiled. Never needed to.
• Yzma? Could bench-press a llama out of pure spite.
• Puss in Boots? Could rob you blind and make you thank him for it.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Short, angry, and unstoppable
• Would absolutely win a fight against someone five times their size
• Surviving off of pure spite
Honestly?
If I had to pick, I’d want to be Puss in Boots.
Because at least he gets respect.
⸻
5. The Pure Ball of Chaos™ – “I Don’t Have a Plan. I Just Do Things.”
Examples:
• The Joker (Batman: The Animated Series) – Lives for the drama, thrives on the chaos.
• Discord (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) – Could be helpful, chooses to be insane.
• The Animaniacs (Animaniacs) – Technically protagonists, functionally disasters.
This character is the definition of “agent of chaos.”
• They don’t follow any rules.
• They don’t care about your problems.
• They are here for pure, unfiltered nonsense.
And honestly?
We love it.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• The human version of a “DO NOT PRESS” button
• No loyalty, no regrets, no rules
• Would absolutely set a town on fire just to watch it burn
Honestly?
If I had to pick, I’d be Discord.
Because at least he gets to mess with people for fun.
⸻
Final Thoughts: These Archetypes Will Never Die (And That’s a Good Thing)
At the end of the day, we will always love these characters.
Because they:
✅ Make every show more fun.
✅ Give us the same vibes, no matter what franchise they’re in.
✅ Will outlive us all.
And honestly?
I wouldn’t change a thing.
🔥 NEXT UP: Part 8 – Why Woke Character Remakes Are Awful and Undermine Inclusion. Stay tuned. And if you don’t subscribe to my YouTube channel, I will personally make a terrible reboot of your favorite cartoon.🔥
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 6: Henchmen to Villains
Why These Poor Fools Signed Up for a Job With Zero Benefits
Alright.
We’ve talked about heroes, villains, anti-heroes, and sidekicks.
But today?
Today, we talk about the REAL victims of every animated story—the henchmen.
These are the underpaid, overworked, completely disposable employees of every cartoon villain.
• They get zero benefits.
• They get yelled at constantly.
• They get punched, blasted, or launched into the sun on a weekly basis.
And yet…
They stay.
So today, we’re breaking down the psychological profiles of animated henchmen and figuring out why they’re so dedicated to the absolute worst job in history.
Oh, and before we start…
🔥 Subscribe to my YouTube channel, or I will personally hire you as my henchman with no pay, no healthcare, and a high chance of explosion. 🔥
⸻
1. The “I’m Only Here for the Paycheck” Henchman – “This Is Just a 9-to-5, Bro”
Examples:
• Stormtroopers (Star Wars: The Clone Wars, also counts as animation) – Can’t aim, can’t fight, still show up for work every day.
• Team Rocket (Pokémon: The Animated Series) – Fails EVERY TIME, but refuses to quit.
• Shenzi, Banzai & Ed (The Lion King) – Just some hyenas trying to get free food, honestly.
These henchmen are not loyal.
They are just here for the steady paycheck.
The problem?
Their bosses are literally insane.
• Stormtroopers? No insurance, no armor that works, still show up for work.
• Team Rocket? Losers, broke, still somehow funding giant mechs.
• Hyenas? Just wanted food, ended up in a lion coup.
They aren’t evil.
They aren’t ambitious.
They are just clocking in and out, hoping to survive.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Massive workplace dissatisfaction
• Should have quit years ago
• Would rather get thrown off a cliff than go job hunting
Honestly?
If I had to be a henchman, I’d pick Team Rocket.
Because at least they get cool outfits.
⸻
2. The “I Chose the Wrong Career” Henchman – “I Was Promised Job Security”
Examples:
• Beagle Boys (DuckTales) – Have been trying to rob the same vault for 40 years.
• Cogs (Who Framed Roger Rabbit) – Literal business robots who turned to crime. Relatable.
• Kronk (The Emperor’s New Groove) – Got stuck with the dumbest villain in history. He deserved better.
These guys could’ve done ANYTHING ELSE with their lives.
But instead?
They chose villainy.
And now, they’re just trying to make it work.
• Beagle Boys? Spending their entire lives failing to rob ONE duck.
• Cogs? Just wanted a promotion, ended up in toon-based warfare.
• Kronk? Too good-hearted to be a villain, too clueless to realize he could leave.
These henchmen don’t need to be stopped.
They need a career change.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Severe job dissatisfaction
• Overqualified but stuck in a bad position
• Too deep into the job to quit now
Honestly?
If I had to pick, I’d want Kronk’s job.
Because at least he gets to cook.
⸻
3. The “I’m 100% Here for the Drama” Henchman – “This Job Is a Reality Show, and I Love It”
Examples:
• Iago (Aladdin: The Animated Series) – Spent years working for a villain, then just switched sides because he felt like it.
• LeFou (Beauty and the Beast) – Way too emotionally invested in his boss.
• Dr. Drakken’s Henchmen (Kim Possible) – If they had a podcast, I would listen to it.
These guys could quit at any time.
But do they?
NO.
Because deep down, they love the chaos.
• Iago? Didn’t need to work for Jafar, just liked the drama.
• LeFou? Was basically Gaston’s unpaid hype man.
• Drakken’s henchmen? Probably had bets on how badly his plans would fail.
These characters don’t need better pay.
They just need popcorn, because they are enjoying the disaster.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Emotionally attached to a bad boss
• Secretly here for the entertainment
• Would absolutely sell a tell-all book after leaving
Honestly?
If I had to be a henchman, I’d want Iago’s gig.
Because at least he gets a redemption arc.
⸻
4. The “I’m Actually a Supervillain in Training” Henchman – “One Day, I Will Be the Boss”
Examples:
• Starscream (Transformers: The Animated Series) – Has been trying to kill Megatron for decades.
• Dr. Facilier’s Shadow (The Princess and the Frog) – Doing all the dirty work while the boss takes the credit.
• Shego (Kim Possible) – Smarter, cooler, and better than her boss in every way.
These aren’t just henchmen.
They are future villains.
And their entire personality is just:
1️⃣ Pretending to be loyal.
2️⃣ Waiting for their boss to fail.
3️⃣ Planning a dramatic betrayal.
And honestly?
That’s a power move.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Overqualified and knows it
• Secretly running the whole operation
• Will absolutely stab their boss in the back when the time is right
Honestly?
If I had to be a henchman, I’d want Shego’s job.
Because at least she looks cool doing it.
⸻
Final Thoughts: Henchmen Deserve Better (But They’ll Never Get It)
At the end of the day, henchmen are just unpaid interns with extra steps.
• They get no respect.
• They get no benefits.
• And they almost always get wrecked by the hero.
And honestly?
They should unionize.
Because if I was getting punched in the face every day, I’d at least want dental coverage.
🔥 NEXT UP: Part 7 – The Character Archetypes That Always Work (And Why We Keep Falling for Them). Stay tuned. And if you don’t subscribe to my YouTube channel, I will personally assign you to Team Rocket.🔥
The Psychology of Animated Characters – Part 5: Sidekicks
Why Sidekicks Are Either Useless Comic Relief or the Real Brains Behind the Hero
Alright.
We’ve talked about villains, heroes, anti-heroes, and anti-villains.
But today?
Today, we talk about the ultimate support characters—SIDEKICKS.
Every main character has one of these weirdos tagging along.
Some sidekicks are loyal, brilliant, and secretly running the whole show.
Some are completely useless and only exist to sell merchandise.
And some?
Some are just straight-up unhinged.
So today, we’re breaking down the psychological profiles of animated sidekicks and figuring out why some are MVPs while others are just there for the paycheck.
Oh, and before we start…
🔥 Subscribe to my YouTube channel, or I will personally haunt you like a sidekick who refuses to leave. 🔥
⸻
1. The “I’m Smarter Than the Main Character” Sidekick – “I’m Doing 90% of the Work, and Nobody Respects Me”
Examples:
• Brain (Pinky and the Brain) – This dude had WORLD DOMINATION PLANS, and nobody listened.
• Jiminy Cricket (Pinocchio) – Literally had ONE JOB: be a conscience. Failed immediately.
• Iago (Aladdin: The Animated Series) – Went from villain sidekick to entrepreneur, and I respect that hustle.
These sidekicks are the real brains behind the operation.
The problem?
They get ZERO credit for it.
• Brain? Would have taken over the world five times by now if Pinky wasn’t a moron.
• Jiminy Cricket? Tried to be a good influence, but Pinocchio had the attention span of a goldfish.
• Iago? Realized Jafar was going nowhere and decided to become his own boss.
These guys don’t deserve this.
They are trying their best, but they are stuck with idiots.
And honestly?
Same.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Overworked and underpaid
• Carrying the team on their back
• Might snap at any moment and go full villain
Honestly?
If I ever become a sidekick, I’m going full Brain mode.
Because at least he has a plan.
⸻
2. The “I Have No Idea What’s Going On” Sidekick – “I’m Just Here for the Vibes”
Examples:
• Pinky (Pinky and the Brain) – Should be in a lab, but instead is trying to ruin Brain’s dreams.
• Patrick Star (SpongeBob SquarePants) – Has one brain cell, and it’s on vacation.
• Kronk (The Emperor’s New Groove) – Might be the dumbest genius ever.
These sidekicks have no business being here.
They are 100% useless—but they’re also hilarious.
And honestly?
That’s enough.
• Pinky? A distraction with no real purpose.
• Patrick? Just SpongeBob’s emotional support idiot.
• Kronk? A henchman who was accidentally more lovable than the main villain.
These characters don’t contribute much.
But do we love them anyway?
YES.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Too dumb to function, too lucky to fail
• Living their best life despite contributing nothing
• Would absolutely hit the wrong button and launch a missile by accident
Honestly?
If I have to be a sidekick, I’m picking Kronk’s life.
Because at least he gets to cook and hang out with squirrels.
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3. The “I Exist to Be Cute and Sell Toys” Sidekick – “You Will Buy My Plushie, and You Will Love Me”
Examples:
• Scrat (Ice Age) – Does NOTHING for the plot, yet somehow has more screen time than half the cast.
• Puss in Boots (Shrek 2) – The biggest glow-up from “merchandise bait” to “box office legend.”
• Timon & Pumbaa (The Lion King) – Their entire job was to teach Simba how to be lazy. Iconic.
These sidekicks exist for one reason only:
💰 TO PRINT MONEY. 💰
• Scrat? Just a prehistoric squirrel who chases an acorn for five movies.
• Puss in Boots? Became so popular he stole the franchise from Shrek.
• Timon & Pumbaa? Turned “do nothing” into a lifestyle.
These sidekicks don’t need to be useful.
They just need to be adorable enough to sell toys.
And honestly?
It works.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Master of capitalism
• No real responsibilities, still richer than the main character
• Will outlive the franchise because money talks
Honestly?
If I have to be a sidekick, I’m picking Puss in Boots.
Because at least he got a solo movie.
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4. The “Actually a Ride-or-Die Bestie” Sidekick – “I Will Follow You Into Battle and Probably Die for You”
Examples:
• Samwise Gamgee (Yes, I know this isn’t animated, but he deserves respect.)
• Mushy (Mulan) – Tiny cricket. Gigantic loyalty.
• Appa (Avatar: The Last Airbender) – Literally just Aang’s Uber, but with more emotional weight.
These sidekicks would take a bullet for their hero.
And honestly?
That’s beautiful.
• Mushu? Got demoted from guardian spirit, still stayed loyal.
• Appa? Carried the team LITERALLY.
• Samwise? Basically did Frodo’s job for him.
They aren’t comic relief.
They aren’t merch-bait.
They are the definition of “I got your back.”
And if you don’t appreciate them?
You don’t deserve them.
Psychological Diagnosis:
• Loyal to a fault
• Would absolutely die for their hero
• Deserves way more credit than they actually get
Honestly?
If I need a sidekick, I want an Appa.
Because at least he lets you fly for free.
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Final Thoughts: Sidekicks Are Either Useless or the Real MVPs—There’s No In-Between
At the end of the day, sidekicks are either:
✅ Carrying the entire story on their backs
✅ Dumb comic relief who exist purely for vibes
✅ Shameless cash grabs who made more money than the main character ever will
And honestly?
I respect all of them.
Because if I had to choose between being a stressed-out hero or a carefree sidekick with zero responsibilities…
🔥 I’m choosing sidekick life EVERY TIME. 🔥
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